Father Twelve was born Ignacious Pavol Stavrogin in Shostak, Ukraine, on March 4th, 1984. His father, Noel Challifaux, came from French and Romanian stock, while his mother, Emily Craddock, was a sciatic Irish barmaid with a discouraging tendency toward dendrophelia.

In the spring of 1983, Noel became disoriented during a nocturnal duck-hunt and fatally shot himself in the groin. Overcome with grief, Emily sank into a twelve month coma, during which she was raped and impregnated by a syphilitic puppeteer posing as a catholic priest.

Emily Craddock died in giving birth to Ignacious.

Years later, having travelled to Canada on an embalming scholarship, Ignacious would adopt the name Father Twelve in honor of his mother’s tragic fate (”Father” after the puppeteer’s disguise, and “Twelve” after the duration of the coma), having learned the tale from a clairvoyant newscaster in Winnipeg.

Today, Father Twelve occupies his time between engineering storms for Dead Jesus, and violently interrogating anybody who even likes puppets.