Of all the storied pasts that culminate in the ranks of Dead Jesus, that of Org 666 is perhaps the strangest. To those who may have dined in his company, some of this will come as no surprise. In others it may arouse feelings of compassion, revulsion, or dread. Either way, the tale is true, and may at least explain why it is best to keep one’s hands and feet away from the man in question.

Conceived, born, and raised for the first five years of his life in an overturned school bus outside Onoway, Alberta, Org 666 showed great promise in the culinary arts, often preparing meals for his quadriplegic parents out of “findings” he would bring home from the fields. Unable to protest beyond the means of muted squawks and violent regurgitation, his parents unwittingly gave Org 666 the impression that these meals were fit for human consumption, and both passed away due to complications of intestinal tract disease on their son’s eleventh birthday.

Undeterred, Org 666 continued to feed their softening bodies until summer heat and corruption led to explosive abdominal capitulation in August, 1996. Org 666 was heartbroken, and immediately began filling bowls with whatever handfuls of his parents he could gather and insisting that passers-by sample some of the “soup” he had made.

The reviews were not encouraging, and after half a dozen Ebola cases were traced back to what Org 666 was by now calling his “Mom And Pop Store”, the authorities were called in.

According to some sources, Org 666 was committed to psychological observation and made a full recovery. Others say he managed to evade police by posing as a door to door midwife. Still others claim that Org 666’s birth was never officially recorded and he is therefore immune to persecution. One fact is indisputable however; whenever Org 666 claims to be hungry, the room generally empties in seconds.